my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
