I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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