I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
