im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
