guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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