Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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