Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
