Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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