I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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