Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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