shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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