accomplished twins. life is a go
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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