i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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