I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
These tits shall not be calmed
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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