my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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