I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
