Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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