After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
