I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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