I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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