I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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