At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
