He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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