Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
