im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
