I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
