How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
