I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
