I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
