Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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