Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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