Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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