There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
