If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
