I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
