Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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