dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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