I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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