I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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