I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
