I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
