Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
