no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
