no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
