She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
