So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You just made me feel so damn special
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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