you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
