Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
