he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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