I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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