I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
