he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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