it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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