He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize