physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
