She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
