don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
