You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
