now i know why i became what i already was.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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