Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He better not be in your backpack
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize