You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
