There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just had sex bonerless
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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