Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
