I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
