seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
