do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
