Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
