dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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