hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
