Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
how drunk are you?
Several
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
